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He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
War doesn\'t make boys men, it makes men dead.
I\'m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, \'Don\'t you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?\' I said \'I didn\'t know there were any witnesses. Now I\'ll have to kill you too\'.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
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Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they\'re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
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UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
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Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
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If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
Everywhere I go I\'m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don\'t stifle enough of them.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you\'re gonna get.
I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
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One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one\'s work is terribly important.
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When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, \'Why god? Why me?\' and the thundering voice of God answered, \'There\'s just something about you that pisses me off.\'
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
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Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
I\'m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I\'m not mad.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
If you\'re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
If it wasn\'t for lawyers, we wouldn\'t need them.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
In this war ? as in others ? I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
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We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn\'t cure.
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I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I\'ve never tried before.
The truth is more important than the facts.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
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UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Either he\'s dead or my watch has stopped.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
Smith & Wesson ? the original point and click interface.
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
The truth is more important than the facts.
I\'m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can\'t understand is, if they don\'t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
I am not young enough to know everything.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
Why don\'t you write books people can read?
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can\'t get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
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We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
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When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
If you\'re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
The trouble with the Internet is that it\'s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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The internet is not something you just dump something on. It\'s not a truck. It\'s a series of tubes!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents.
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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
As the post said, \'Only God can make a tree,\' probably because it\'s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn\'t get bigger or heavier.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
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If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
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... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
It\'s dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that\'s successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
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Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
Yes, I\'m fat, but you\'re ugly and I can go on a diet.
I\'m Jewish. I don\'t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
In this war ? as in others ? I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
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Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
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Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Copy from one, it\'s plagiarism; copy from two, it\'s research.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
A physicist is an atom\'s way of knowing about atoms.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
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When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
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Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
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I\'d stop eating chocolate, but I\'m no quitter.
Anyone who starts a sentence, \'With all due respect ...\' is about to insult you.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
But at my back I always hear Time\'s winged chariot hurrying near.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
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God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Don\'t drive me crazy -- it\'s within walking distance.
Those are my principles. If you don\'t like them I have others.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
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I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one\'s doubts.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
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Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don\'t need to be done.
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I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
If women didn\'t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
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A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don\'t work, those that break down and those that get lost.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
It\'s impossible to experience one\'s death objectively and still carry a tune.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
I never forget a face, but in your case I\'ll be glad to make an exception.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
Emulate your heros, but don\'t carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
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Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it\'s the exact opposite.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
If a man does his best, what else is there?
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
Why don\'t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
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Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
If you haven\'t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
I\'d stop eating chocolate, but I\'m no quitter.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
We\'re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
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Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
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The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/16/(Mon) 05:41
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